Many of us have likely dealt with haters of some kind in our lives.  Maybe we’re even dealing with them now.  Maybe we got bullied in school.  Maybe we were brought down even by our own family or friends.  Or maybe we ourselves were or are our own greatest inner haters.  Regardless, I dedicate this letter to any haters, with great love. 

Dear Haters,

I just wanted to take some time today to tell you how much I love you.

I know you may not believe me, and that’s okay.  But I will say it anyway.  I love you.

Granted, I also love those people who love me and appreciate me and the good I can offer in the world.  But I love you just as equally.

Do you wonder why?  Why on this earth would I choose to love you?  I have many reasons I could choose not to.  But I have even more important reasons that I choose to instead. 

I don’t know anything about your life, dear haters.  I don’t know anything about your past.  I don’t know anything about how you may have been raised, or what you may have learned to believe about me or people like me, about yourself, or about anyone.  I don’t know anything about how life has treated you, and how you may have reacted to it.  I don’t know if you’ve been down on your luck lately, or if you maybe just think that life can’t get any better. 

But maybe you have had a difficult past.  If that’s the case, I really empathize with you.  You may not know this, but I have also had a difficult past.  It may not have been anything like yours—that is very true.  But for me it was difficult, and for that I can empathize. 

Maybe you’ve been down on the hard side of life a few too many times.  If so, I really hear you.  I’ve had days, months, and even years like that.  You may not believe it or you may laugh it off, but the truth is that I still have hard days myself.  They may not be quite like yours.  But I feel for you.  Because I know what it’s like to experience difficulty as a fellow human being. 

Maybe you’ve experienced a lot of losses, dear haters.  If so, I want to reach out and give you a big, big virtual hug.  Because I’ve also experienced a lot of losses.  We all deal with losses differently, so I can’t say that I understand in every possible way what you’re going through.  But I understand from my own losses how hard it can be to experience them. 

Maybe you’re at a point in your life where you want to give up.  Maybe you see all the unrest in the world, and it really, really gets to you.  Maybe you’re not happy in your job or in your relationships.  Maybe you’re dealing with some great health challenges.  Maybe you’re going through a lot of conflict right now in your life, whether that conflict may be in your outer world or even deep within yourself.  Or maybe you feel that conflict in both of those ways.

If any of these things may be true, I really understand in my own personal way.  Believe it or not, I’ve had times of great conflict in my life, both in my relationships and deep within my heart.  I’ve also felt unhappy in different jobs before, and I’ve also had some health challenges.  And let me tell you, those times were not pretty times.  But what I want to say to you now is that I understand, in my own human way.  I don’t understand in exactly your way, of course.  But because we’re both human, I understand in my own way.   And I’m sorry you’re having such a difficult time.  I know how hard, heartbreaking, and despairing any of those experiences can be.

Maybe you feel that there’s no point in trying to do anything differently in your life, because you’ve been beaten down so many, many times.  I even get that too.  I’ve so, so been there.  I hear you.  I resonate with your pain. 

Maybe, just maybe, dear haters, you’ve even tried to be more true to yourself at different times in your life.  And maybe, instead of your getting love or support from those around you, maybe you felt shunned.  Maybe you felt abandoned or betrayed.  And maybe those times broke your heart most of all. 

I bet you really won’t believe this, but I’ve been there too.  I want to acknowledge you for how brave you were to take that risk, to be yourself, to put yourself and your truth out there in such honest and vulnerable ways.  And I want to comfort you for what you may have experienced because of it.  I want to offer you so, so much love, especially after experiencing anything like that.

If you’ve had those experiences, I want to tell you that maybe others reacted the way they did because they themselves were afraid to change.  They saw you changing, and maybe deep down they became afraid.  They saw you being brave, and maybe deep down they were reminded of their own inherent courage, which maybe they were afraid to act on.  Maybe it was really about them, dear haters.  Maybe it wasn’t about you.  And maybe, just maybe, the changes you were trying to make were glorious, because they were truthful to you.

I know that I can’t take away your pain, dear haters.  I can’t fix all of this and make it right.  I certainly can’t say that any pain that others may have passed on to you is okay.  I also can’t and will never, ever condone any hate that you may pass to others, maybe because of your own pain.  But here’s what I can do.

I can explain to you how pain gets passed, from one person to another, maybe due to any of the experiences we’ve just considered.  I can help you understand.  I can empathize with your pain.  I can validate your challenging experiences, because somewhere in this big realm of humanity, I can bet they’ve happened to me or to others too.  And although I can’t make you stop hating, I can encourage you to grow through your experiences and to acknowledge and connect to the deep root of love within your own hearts. 

But most of all, I can forgive you, and I can love you.

I can love you even though you may choose not to love me.  I can love you even though you may choose to hate me.  And I can love you safely, from a distance.  Because, dear haters, I will personally make this choice out of love for both of us.  I will personally choose not to pick up your pain and think that it has anything directly to do with me.  And I will personally choose to stop this cycle of pain right in its tracks and, while safe in my own heartspace of love, wish you all the love I can offer. 

Because maybe, just maybe, dear haters, you haven’t had a lot of real love in your life.  Maybe you haven’t felt love from others.  And maybe you are unsure how to love yourself.

If any of that may be the case for you, please know this:  I hear you.  You matter.  And I love you. 

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I’d love to hear from you!  Shoot me a personal note through my Contact page, or leave a comment below.  Have you struggled with loving the "haters" you see in your life?  Can you open yourself up to being able to love and forgive them in even greater ways over time?  

Wondering about greater ways that you may be able to be less of a "hater" to your own self?  ;)  Check out my first book here!  

No matter what, always remember this:  You are deserving, you are worthy, and you are good enough.  Keep being you, keep shining, and keep growing!

With great love,

Francine

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